No, FCUK you

Every season brings a new annoying clothing trend. Like this. Or this. And some of them refuse to die. Like this. And while I'm sporting a whole new crop of forehead wrinkles from furrowing my brow in disgust after being optically assaulted on a daily basis just by living in this city, these trends really aren't any more than a minor annoyance. Besides, they actually serve a vital purpose—they allow me to spot hipster-fucks from 50 yards out so I can easily avoid them. The furry boots tell me who to hate, and for that, I thank them.

There is one trend, however, by which I cannot abide. FCUK shirts. My hatred is so intense, in fact, that it has transcended the mere shirt and now includes the entire company, French Connection. I first saw these visual affronts three years ago when I was in Ireland. I saw a ton of women and even some men wearing t-shirts that said, "FCUK you" and "Born to FCUK." At the time, my reaction was something like, "Whaa—oh. Huh." And that's about it. After I returned to the states, I never saw them again. They were completely erased from my mind until a few months ago, when they started popping up constantly.

It took me a while to put my finger on what bothered me so much about this particular trend, especially since, on the surface; it is about 100x less annoying and prevalent than a lot of others. Then it hit me. What pisses me off so much is that they take two things that I hold very dearly: cursing and puns, and bastardize them. And then, on top of that, it's just so...stale. I look at those shirts and it's like, "yeah, ha ha guys. It's like "fuck," but it's not. Good one. Jackass." Because the thing is, it was funny when The Dixie Chicks did it--back in 2003. Now? The joke's pretty much run its course.

But not only will French Connection not let the TOTALLY RACY AND NAUGHTY t-shirts die, they continue their assault against "the man" with their new TOTALLY RACY AND NAUGHTY commercial which features—get this—two girls fighting and like, TOTALLY MAKING OUT, Y'ALL! We're so cutting edge! Except for when Britney, Madonna and Christina all made out at the VMA's—in 2003. And when Madonna was in Britney's "Me Against the Music" video and there was fighting and almost making out—in 2003.

In the era of teen orgies in primetime, French Connection's entire image just comes off as desperate and needy—like a celebrity's "accidentally" leaked sex tape or anything involving Lindsay Lohan. What French Connection really needs to realize is that what may have been totally awesome in 2003 is just kind of sad now.