Thursday, April 13, 2006

I make big days extra-special

Cake is hilarious!
Originally uploaded by kona99.
I’ve mentioned it in passing, but last weekend was a pretty big weekend. My dad, the eternal optimist, got married for the fourth time. Sometime in February, when the family was visiting me in New York, we were at a bar and somebody had the bright idea of having me perform the ceremony. Everything sounds like a good idea when you’re listening to Merle Haggard on the jukebox and working on your third pitcher of Coors Light.

I had two months to prepare for the big day, so what did I do? I went on the internet two days before the wedding and downloaded some stuff which I glanced over and printed out. I actually read it for the first time while standing in the church during the rehearsal. A lot of it was really lame, so I decided I needed to do some editing. So I put the papers in my purse and didn’t look at them again that day.

The next morning, we had to pick the hippy contingent up from the airport, so I decided to start editing. I continued to edit and rewrite as we got to Dad and Holly’s to carpool to the church. I edited some more on in the car on the way to the church. I read over the entire thing and made the final changes as I was waiting for Holly to come down the aisle. I was starting to realize that I had no idea what the hell I was doing.

I took a deep breath and glanced up, trying to find someone to look at to help steady my nerves. In the back of the church, was my 81-year-old grandfather whom I hadn’t seen since my grandmother’s funeral nearly five years ago. He was pretty far away, but I could see that he was getting a little teary. Because he was laughing. At me. I looked to the left, and saw my sister and mother laughing and pointing at me as well. Before the whole Carrie-ness of the situation was fully able to sink in, it was time for everybody to take their seats.

I started the ceremony, still terrified because I’ve only been to like, three weddings in my life, so I really didn’t even know how this was supposed to go. I just kept on blah-blahing about whatever and managed to get through it pretty well. The one biggish hitch came during the exchange of the rings. I said what dad was supposed to say, but I guess I didn’t break it up enough, because he had trouble remembering what he was supposed to repeat, leading to the vow of, “and I promise…to…love you, whatever.”

Finally, the rings are exchanged, the very long, uncomfortable kiss was given, the music came up, and the wedding party left, leaving me standing up there with everybody staring at me. I looked over at David, the piano player, hoping for some kind of a cue. Nothing. I looked at the back of the church and saw Holly gesturing to me, like, “come on, get these people out of here.” But they just sat there, looking at me. So, with the class and grace that I am renowned for, I looked around, shrugged, and said, “Well, I guess that’s it.”

1 comment:

Sorta Runner Guy said...

You know, hearing about this ahead of time was a little... you know. And now, it's just a little... you know.

But funny.