Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Jesus died for our sins...but he came back for the chocolate

Tradition is important. It keeps families and societies together, and creates warm memories for generations. Easter is a holiday rife with family tradition. Some families gather all of the relatives for a morning at church followed by a home cooked meal filled with ham and things in casserole dishes that involve marshmallows. Some families have Easter egg hunts in the backyard, while others prefer to roll their eggs on the front lawn of the White House with their two mommies.

I didn’t spend my Easter doing any of these activities. In fact, I didn’t do anything Easter-related on Sunday. Even my Jewish boss had a big dinner to go to. I spent the day shopping. Besides, on my calendar, Monday is the actual holiday; Monday is the day the Easter candy goes half price. More specifically, it is the day the Cadbury Crème Eggs go half price.

To me, that is Easter: a hollow chocolate shell filled with sugary goo dyed to resemble the unfertilized beginnings of a farm animal.

Easter candy started showing up in the city around mid-February. I found my first egg of the season in a Duane Reade on the Upper West Side. My discovery, coupled with the roughly 120 grams of sugar, lulled me into a false sense of security and complacency. Even as the months went on and I didn’t see any more eggs, I didn’t panic. Even when the lack of eggs seemed to be a citywide epidemic, I maintained my faith--until yesterday.

I hit three different Duane Reades yesterday after work, including, I think, the original one, each time heading straight for the discounted candy. I found jellybeans, chocolate bunnies, jellybeans, white chocolate bunnies, jellybeans, but no Crème Eggs. They had Snickers eggs, but do you know what those are? Not the fucking same, that’s what.

Three Duane Reades, three times I walked away empty-handed. The city of New York is clearly trying to oppress me. But I’ve got 238 more Duane Reades and I haven’t even started on the Rite Aides. You may have won this round, but this is not over, New York, because I’m going to start a new Easter tradition...of kicking your ass! And this time, I've got Jesus on my side.


JavaGirl said...

It's the same here in good old michigan, I couldn't even find regular jelly beans, it was some freak sour starburst manifestation so the brand name compition can get there two cents in. Jerks! All I remember as a kid is finding eggs, my basket being mad there was mostly jelly beans (didn't like em then, but hey figured my kids could use them, history repeats itself I suppose), but I always had a few cadberry bunny eggs, yummy goodness is what that is........and no they didn't have those either, as an adult I don't like candy anymore but the hubby did, and I went on a wild egg chase easter day for him as well, but alas came home with some yucky snicker concoction........*sigh* sorry to vent on you, but I feel your pain.

Over 50 Fitness Femme said...

So I clicked on the Duane Reade Wikipedia link, and it seems they treat their employees like crap. Might explain the absence of Cadbury Creme Eggs. Those mistreated employees are hungry, and, like Oliver Twist, they just "want some more" to eat. If I was a hungry, abused employee, Cadbury would be MY first choice. Ah, America, the land of plenty, but not enough chocolate eggs for Kona!